wehavemice

Oh, snap!
It's the 4th of July, and I totally forgot to wear my fucking AMERICAN FLAG T-SHIRT!!!

You know, I suppose there comes a time in every single gay man's life (after they've reached a certain age... say, 25), where they say to themselves, "Hey, you know what, fuck it. I'm just gonna start dating fat, hairy, 60-year-olds."
And, you know what? I'm almost to that point. Because I know that a fat, hairy, 60-year-old would pay me some attention. Because it's for damn sure I'm getting no love from anyone in my own age range.
AND... who the fuck would (give me attention, I mean)? Some vapid, vacuous little piece of shit that reads fucking Nicholas Sparks/Candace Bushnell/Dan Brown/James-fucking-Patterson novels, watches fucking "Desperate Horsewives," and thinks that fucking rotten corncob-of-a-cunt Paris Hilton is something to aspire to/idolize (oh, and of course he too has a SMALL DOG)?
Because it often seems like that's all that's really out there.
Umm, no thanks.
At least I could maybe get some money from blowing an old fat dude.

Dear self esteem,
Where have you gone? I'm Travis. And I'm here for when you get back.

Jesus. I'm not a very vain person. But I happen to think that I have at least a little to offer. I mean, I read interesting books, I'm creative, I have a sense of humor, I dress well without following stupid fashion trends, I like good music, I can drink like a champ, I'm fairly secure in who I am (maybe it's my hair?).
Are all those things like faggot kryptonite?
Or am I just way the fuck off? Am I just a fat, lazy fucktard that tries too hard? Please, let it not be so...
Whatever. This is what happens when drink and loneliness converge.

P.S. - Oh, and that guy i asked out? Apparently he's been DATING someone, but didn't know how to tell me that. So I guess he thought it would be better to just "not reply to my e-mails," which is way better. Fucker. I hope he gets crabs.
P.P.S. - I know I'm a fucking hypocrite. I fucking know that. And I've never maintained otherwise.

I can tell that Summer is officially here because my balls have started to sweat in earnest.
Swear to god, it's a bad scene down there.

Still sore from yoga on Wednesday, but it was fun!

Unsure of what I will do this evening. Have told several people I will call them back, but I obviously can't do something with all of them, now can I?

I have an audition for a show tomorrow. I probably won't get cast.

Waiting (metaphorically) by the phone for a guy to call. He probably won't.

But keep your fingers crossed, and send positive thoughts!

I'm beginning to think that my life consists of little more than me gradually realizing and accepting the fact that I am unremarkable in every way.
So that's been fun.

Today: Yoga Yoga with Jaime. Perhaps take the canoe out. Maybe coffee with Shannon.
Tonight: Free beer and music with Jude and Skola.
Huzzah!
P.S. - Why I gotta obsess so much?

So, as mentioned before, I had no plans for this past weekend. Under recent circumstances, this should have been a good thing. As of late I've been busy, busy, busy, so I was relishing a little down time.
Apparently, "down time" translates to LAME TIME.
Because this weekend blew. Lame, lame, lame.
A recap...
Friday, I had work. So yay there.
Friday evening, I was sitting around when my friend Shannon called me. I've been house-/pet-sitting for my friends Mike and Jaime, so I invited her over. So she came over and we talked briefly about going out for coffee/drinks, but we ended up deciding we'd rather just stay in and watch TV and talk. My friend Mergen called Shannon, and we invited him over. I had the first season of "Strangers with Candy" on DVD, and since I've been uber-excited about the forthcoming movie, I decided we had to watch that. So we did. And I enjoyed it (as I do) and they just sort of sat there. That bummed me out. I hate watching something that I love with people who are ambivalent about it. It's like they're killing my excitement. I mean, if I'm watching something that I really love, I get into it. I want to talk about it afterward. Not just sit there. So, lame.
Saturday, I had work. So yay there.
Left work early due to scratch in my throat and hatred towards my job.
I made plans Friday evening to go with some friends from Coda to see "I Love my Dead Gay Son (the Musical!)." Wasn't really feeling up to it, but I went to placate people.
Let me say this about the show [IHMDGS(tM!)] - it was a) a musical, and b) an adaptation of "Heathers."
Now.
Normally I don't go in for that sort of thing, but it was not that bad. I laughed a few times and had a smile on my face for most of the show. The company I was with was somewhat of a downer and I constantly felt like I was on the verge of mortally offending them, but... feh.
By the end of the show, I was coughing up a lung and really wanted to go home, but everyone else felt like going out to the Peacock. I decided I was probably going to feel like ass the next day anyway, so I might as well go along and try to have fun.
Ha, mistake!
Normally, I enjoy myself at the Peacock. However, the people I was with don't normally go out. As in ever. As in when they do go out, it's kind of socially awkward. And I was also VERY underdressed. So I felt like shit, spent $25.00 on drinks that I didn't drink, and felt like a complete eyesore due to flip-flops, t-shirt, and ripped jeans.
Sunday, I had work. But I felt like shit, so I called in. So yay.
Sat around Mike and Jaime's all day, napped, watched a ton of "Battlestar Galactica" and was unable (due to ill feelings)to go out for drinks for Ben's B-day (which was like the one thing I was actually looking forward to this weekend. Boo.).
Monday, I had the day off. Watched a ton of "Battlestar Galactica" again. So effin' good!! Yay!
Still felt like ass, and was unable (again!!!) to go out for b-day drinks with Ben (which, I hear, was very fun and entertaining).
So, here I am, sitting alone with dogs and cats, doing laundry.
I think I may just have to have a few (more) drinks.
I am feeling better.
Also, I almost got into it with my crazy ass co-worker, Laurie. I swear to God, she is gonna get an assful of talking to one of these days. Believe that!

I realized today that it can sometimes be difficult, when on the phone with strangers, to tell whether a person is drunk or just old.

This is the first weekend in a long, long time that I have absolutely nothing planned (other than work) and that fucking rocks.

Also, new discovery - and the best $1.62 I spent today: